The Book of Mormon is so good it makes me f**king angry.
I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.
America has had to deal with eccentric dictators in the past: Idi Amin, Muammar Qaddafi, Ming the Merciless... but now the security of the world is threatened by Kim Jong-il, a nerdy, pompadoured, platform shoe-wearer who looks like something you'd put on the end of your child's pencil.
My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.