If the world does need to repopulate at some point, the announcing team of Rob Lowe and Sofia Vergara, I think, would make very pleasant children.

Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.

The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.

People! Take to the streets and scream 'BE REASONABLE!'