War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.

The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.

They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas.

Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.

Technology. It's like science, only useless.