Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?

The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level, then they allow you to do other things. You feel if you're overwhelmed by something or if you're not.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.