Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come at the expense of Howard Dean. The situation reflected in his hot new bumper sticker, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry.' It's cute and a lot more tasteful than the alternative version, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry, Finger-Banged Kucinich.'

If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance (on 'Meet the Press') it's that he doesn't have to be forthcoming or honest. And he's the first to tell you why. (Bush:) 'I'm a war president.' He added: 'I guess I should have told you that back in 2000.'

Wait a minute, words in the prompter, script on my desk, vending machine upstairs out of Funyuns... the writers are back!

Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.

If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.