Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.

We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.

The President says, "We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to come."

Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life.

Ralph Nader choose the man with whom to share the responsibility of running a distant third, California activist Peter Camejo. You may remember that Camejo ran for president in 1976 on the Socialist Workers Party ticket. Actually, you might only remember that if you run a lesbian, vegetarian, bookstore.

The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.