We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.

A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, "When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off."

It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.

If you smell something, say something.

Sarah Palin has been tagged and released back into the wild.

Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them.