They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas.

To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!

By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.

What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?

You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two, I think - I think it's that. I think it's absolute - it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.