No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what we all have in common. That, and masturbation.

I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success".

Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.

I can only fight back in a way that I feel like I'm talented.

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.

Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.

Here's the thing about global warming that I didn't realize: it would all happen at once.