I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus.

All I'm saying is [John McCain] cannot look a soldier in the eye and say "Questioning the president is less supportive to you than extending your tour three months." You should be coming home to your family.

It's very hard to feel the difficulties that the military goes through. It's very hard to feel the difficulties of military families, unless you're in that environment. And sometimes you have to force yourself to try and put yourself in other people's sort of shoes and environment to get the sense of that.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

President Bush announced his new economic plan. The centerpiece was a proposed repeal of the dividend tax on stocks, a boon that could be worth millions of dollars to average Americans. Well, average stock-owning Americans. Technically, Americans who own a significant amount of shares in dividend-dealing companies. Well, rich people, that's what I'm trying to say. They're going to do really well with this.

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

Models talk to you for six minutes and they're very nice and they say thank you and then it's off to the larger European men they actually have sex with.