If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.

Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.

Well, the most terrible fear that anybody should have is not war, is not a disease, not cancer or heart problems or food poisoning - it's a man or a woman without a sense of humor.

I was talking to a businessman, and I said, Don't you think most men are little boys? And he said, I'm no little boy! I make seventy-five thousand dollars a year. And I said, Well, the way I look at it - you just have bigger toys.

I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes.

Now the freaks are on television, the freaks are in the movies. And it's no longer the sideshow, it's the whole show. The colorful circus and the clowns and the elephants, for all intents and purposes, are gone, and we're dealing only with the freaks.

I know you can be funny without being filthy.