There are really no guidelines whatsoever, because this is the kind of thing that only happens to ME.

And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.

It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.

If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.

I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.

I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.

Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.