Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do.

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.

It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

It's not ignorance does so much damage; it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.

I do not know of a better cure for sorrow than to pity somebody else.