When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.

Every man should know something of law; if he knows enough to keep out of it, he is a pretty good lawyer.

I never knew a man troubled with melancholy, who had plenty to do, and did it.

Hunting after happiness is like hunting after a lost sheep in the wilderness--when you find it, the chances are that it is a skeleton.

A learned fool is one who has read everything and simply remembered it.

A slander is like a hornet; if you cannot kill it dead at the first blow, better not to strike at it.

He whom prosperity humbles, and adversity strengthens, is the true hero.