The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.

Method is the arithmetic of success.

Man is my brother, and I am nearer related to him through his vices than I am through his virtue.

People who have nothing to say are never at a loss in talking.

I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, But the wheel that does the squeaking, is the one that gets the grease.

Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them.