Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.

Keep a cow, and then the milk won't have to be watered but once.

Liberty, like chastity, once lost, can never be regained in its original purity.

Theres not a lot of good humor in medicine, but theres a lot of medicine in good humor.

The unfortunate do not pity the unfortunate.