A WISE MAN never enjoys himself so much, or a FOOL so little, as when he is alone.

There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.

Sekts and creeds ov religion, are like pocket compesses, good enuff tu pinte out the direction, but the nearer the pole yu git thewuss tha wurk.

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

If you do not know how to lie, cheat, and steal, turn your attention to politics and learn.

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.