My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."
I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.
Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.
I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself.
I am a morning person...I love waking up, walking & reveling In the beauty of all the flowers and trees....while chugging a 5th of vodka!!! It could happen.
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"