I was nominated for two Grammy's, but ... more importantly, I like it when I get a letter from someone ... a person that I've affected their lives or I've helped them. That's important to me. Someone will say "I was feeling bad and you helped me".

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."

Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"

I am a morning person...I love waking up, walking & reveling In the beauty of all the flowers and trees....while chugging a 5th of vodka!!! It could happen.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.