I, as you may know, am no stranger to the organic courgette, but I still cannot work out who these gay footballers are.

I thought a dignified thing to do would be to live in the country by the time I'm 50 and write books

However light-hearted you try to be about it, the loss of youth, and everything that goes with it, is quite a trauma.

The bullying was hideous and relentless, and we turned it round by making ourselves celebrities.

A lot of gay men have a lot of sex. That's what we do. But I've stopped all that-the revolving door into my bedroom. Promiscuity. That was of its day, really.

I think Australians like a bit of vulgarity

It's a wise thing to hold back.