Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision.

On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole.

Sometimes its nice when people you love need you.

Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.

That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.