If someone calls me vain and mean, I know that he trusts me and has something to confess to me.

Many women would like to dream with men without sleeping with them. Someone should point out to them that this is utterly impossible.

There is a shortage of clerks. Everyone is going into journalism.

Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws.

The triumph of morality: A thief who has broken into a bedroom claims his sense of shame had been outraged, and by threatening theoccupants with exposure of an immoral act he blackmails them into not bringing charges for burglary.

I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up.

In case of doubt, decide in favor of what is correct.