Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays.

A father's pride, laid on thick, has always made me wish that the fellow had at least experienced some pain during procreation.

Satire chooses and knows no objects. It arises by fleeing from them and their forcing themselves upon it.

Love thy neighbor as thyself. Because each of us is his own neighbor.

The immorality of men triumphs over the amorality of women.

I have often been asked to be fair and view a matter from all sides. I did so, hoping that something might improve if I viewed allsides of it. But the result was the same. So I went back to viewing things only from one side, which saves me a lot of work and disappointment. For it is comforting to regard something as bad and to be able to use one's prejudice as an excuse.

There is a shortage of clerks. Everyone is going into journalism.