When women go off together we call it separatism. When men go off together we call it Congress.

Once he became president, George [H.] Bush revealed a vein of Styrofoam and no matter how deep he tried to go, he always ended up bobbing on the surface. His inaugural speech was like being present at the death of language.

Gays have always been in the military. Alexander the Great was originally Alexander the Fabulous. A gay man invented C-rations. He claims he could never talk anyone into the cilantro garnish. Obviously, gays were not allowed to design the outfits, because we never would have stayed with the earth tones for so long.

I'm really happy that I was raised Catholic because it's given me years of material.

Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.

When my brother-in-law, BIll Clinton, was elected, he had gay friends. That was a coming out.

I want to host a religious show. I'm sure nobody will be wanting the 11 o'clock spot on Sunday morning. I think we should really get some of our own preachers and preach that gay is good. And we'd have a great choir.