[On cloning sheep:] Oh great, just what we need - more sheep.

I'm really happy that I was raised Catholic because it's given me years of material.

Of all sports, football seems to be the most sanctioned homosocial opportunity for straight men to be with each other, pat butts, struggle, strive, and take showers together. All that talk of tight ends and penetration. The reason there are face masks on those helmets is so that can't kiss each other.

Laughter takes the tyranny of the lies we are told and told and told and it blows them apart.

A friend of mine said, no matter what I do I always look like an English teacher. She actually said, you still look like a Campbell's Soup kid.

Once he became president, George [H.] Bush revealed a vein of Styrofoam and no matter how deep he tried to go, he always ended up bobbing on the surface. His inaugural speech was like being present at the death of language.

[On cloning sheep:] Oh great, just what we need - more sheep.