I cannot for the life of me see why the umpires, the only two people on a cricket field who are not going to get grass stains on their knees, are the only two people allowed to wear dark trousers.

Find out what you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for it.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

The Life and Soul, the man who will never go home while there is one man, woman or glass of anything not yet drunk.

A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.

And what would happen to my illusion that I am a force for order in the home if I wasn't married to the only man north of the Tiber who is even untidier than I am?

American patriotism is generally something that amuses Europeans, I suppose because children look idiotic saluting the flag and because the constitution contains so many cracks through which the lawyers may creep.