In my next life I want to be a pessimist. Then other people could spend all their time cheering me up.

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?

The disease is painless; it's the cure that hurts.

Does anybody who gave up smoking to save a pound a week have a pound at the end of the week? Not on your life.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed, the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director face on).

Spring makes everything look filthy.

Filing is concerned with the past; anything you actually need to see again has to do with the future.