I blame Rousseau, myself. "Man is born free", indeed. Man is not born free, he is born attached to his mother by a cord and is not capable of looking after himself for at least seven years (seventy in some cases).

It's a pity more men are not bastards by birth instead of vocation.

Being young is not having any money; being young is not minding not having any money.

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

People get a bad impression of it [the English climate] by continually trying to treat it as if it was a bank clerk, who ought to be on time on Tuesday next, instead of philosophically seeing it as a painter, who may do anything so long as you don't try to predict what.

The disease is painless; it's the cure that hurts.