A good listener is not someone with nothing to say. A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

As I look around the West End these days, it seems to me that outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in.

As ridiculous to approve of property and let a few men have a grossly unfair share of it, as say you are all for marriage, and then let one man have all the wives.

Newish friends, if they get ghastly, can be weighed and found wanting, but you'd never do a thing like that to old ones; their terrible habits are just part of the universe.

Children and zip fasteners do not respond to force ... except occasionally.

Hats divide generally into three classes: offensive hats, defensive hats, and shrapnel.