Perennials are the ones that grow like weeds, biennials are the ones that die this year instead of next and hardy annuals are the ones that never come up at all.

It's a pity more men are not bastards by birth instead of vocation.

The Life and Soul, the man who will never go home while there is one man, woman or glass of anything not yet drunk.

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?

In hell they will bore you, in heaven you will bore them.

And what would happen to my illusion that I am a force for order in the home if I wasn't married to the only man north of the Tiber who is even untidier than I am?

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.