Whereas a lot of men used to ask for conversation when they really wanted sex, nowadays they often feel obliged to ask for sex even when they really want conversation.

A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.

I cannot for the life of me see why the umpires, the only two people on a cricket field who are not going to get grass stains on their knees, are the only two people allowed to wear dark trousers.

Children and zip fasteners do not respond to force ... except occasionally.

Hats divide generally into three classes: offensive hats, defensive hats, and shrapnel.

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?

In hell they will bore you, in heaven you will bore them.