In hell they will bore you, in heaven you will bore them.

There's comfort to an awful old dressing-gown a pretty peignoir is powerless to provide, and aging bra elastic, is, I suspect, as near to liberation as most women ever get.

Does anybody who gave up smoking to save a pound a week have a pound at the end of the week? Not on your life.

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.

One reason you are stricken when your parents die is that the audience you've been aiming at all your life - shocking it, pleasing it - has suddenly left the theater.

A good listener is not someone with nothing to say. A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.