It is a pity that so often the only way to treat girls like people seems to be to treat them like boys.

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

I yield to no one in my admiration for the office as a social center, but it's no place actually to get any work done.

Perennials are the ones that grow like weeds, biennials are the ones that die this year instead of next and hardy annuals are the ones that never come up at all.

I cannot for the life of me see why the umpires, the only two people on a cricket field who are not going to get grass stains on their knees, are the only two people allowed to wear dark trousers.

A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.

It's a pity more men are not bastards by birth instead of vocation.