America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.

I can remember thinking, at the age of 3, that I invented the concept of lying. By a brilliant thought process, I figured that I could fib and avoid the repercussions for something I had done, because lying meant that it never happened. However, by the time I was 5, I came to hate lying and to think of it as the worst thing in the world. That's my earliest memory. Weird, but true!

My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

All comedy comes from a dark place.

You can't even go to Heaven if you get killed by Spinach, you can't even go. You don't even know what to tell Jesus. You Just 'You know what Jesus, I did have a salad, I really Did I- I Didn't know what I was thinking about.

I'm able to behave like the guy you see onstage although that's not my entire existence. I might be a portion of that guy. At home, quiet prevails. It's incense, candles and birds chirping. Everything's done to maximize peace and tranquility, because we know when we exit those doors, it's going to be a whole different energy.

Invisibility is the only thing that fame cost me. I used to be able to go places and blend in. Anonymity is something you lose on this side of things.