There's only winning and losing, and in our society, as in all societies, there's the person that's doing the winning, or there's the person that's facilitating the winning.

I have yet to meet someone who was successful who was even slightly negative. That comes from a muscle training. You can work on negativity and weed it out of your life. I've noticed that all of the people who acted as if they were going to be gone too soon, were gone too soon.

You can't even go to Heaven if you get killed by Spinach, you can't even go. You don't even know what to tell Jesus. You Just 'You know what Jesus, I did have a salad, I really Did I- I Didn't know what I was thinking about.

Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work and let the chips fall where they may.

My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

All comedy comes from a dark place.

Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf***ers, it'll be your last headache.