Women's clutches are too small. I open my purse, and with some hydraulic force, a tampon shoots 12 feet into the air.

I'll quit tanning when the satchel handle grows out of my back.

I work out every day. It's part of my life. That's one of the benefits of having kids in school full-time. I do it more for my insides than my outside, but the outside gets a nice benefit, too. I feel like my mind is a little quieter when I exercise. And I don't have the best family history heart-wise, so I really try to keep my heart strong.

If you're a waiter and you're waiting on me, you might get five percent, you might get seventy percent. It depends on how bad my math skills are that day.

I think children are like pancakes. You sort of ruin the first one, and you get better at it the second time around.

I don't have the best family history heart-wise, so I really try to keep my heart strong.

Don't get divorced after your first argument! I have a lot of friends that have one fight and that's it, they get divorced. I go, 'Wait a minute! Oh my gosh, you guys! Calm down! You'll forget in three days what you were fighting about. I promise. So just let it marinate a little bit-that's my best love advice.