The most damning revelation you can make about yourself is that you do not know what is interesting and what is not.

Human beings will believe in all kinds of things that aren't true, and that's okay. And TV is a part of that.

One [television] program was an interminable exploration of the question: can a woman with a low I.Q. be happily married to a man with a high one? The answer seemed to be yes and no.

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

That's what my books are, now that I'm a grownup - mosaics of jokes.

It is time for me to be dead for a little while - and then live again.

She believed, and was entitled to believe, I must say, that all human beings were evil by nature, whether tormentors or victims, or idle standers-by. They could only create meaningless tragedies, she said, since they weren't nearly intelligent enough to accomplish all the good they were meant to do.