Earthlings are the great explainers, explaining why this event is structured as it is, telling how other events may be achieved or avoided.

It pains me even now, even a million years later, to write about such human misbehaviour. A million years later, I feel like apologizing for the human race. That’s all I can say.

Everything about life is a joke. Don't you know that?

Don't put anything into a story that does not reveal character or advance the action.

Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - "God damn it, you've got to be kind."

The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation.

I couldn't help wondering if that was what God put me on Earth for--to find out how much a man could take without breaking.