Just because something feels better than anything else, that doesn't mean it's good for you.

History is merely a list of surprises... It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again.

Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic.

I've got news for Mr. Santayana: we're doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That's what it is to be alive.

Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.

But there’s a reason we recognize Hamlet as a masterpiece: it’s that Shakespeare told us the truth, and people so rarely tell us the truth in this rise and fall here [indicates blackboard]. The truth is, we know so little about life, we don’t really know what the good news is and what the bad news is.

Montana was naked, and so was Billy, of course. He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who'll get one.