The complicated futility of ignorance.

There is a riddle about a man who is locked in a room with nothing but a bed and a calendar, and the question is: How does he survive? The answer is: He eats dates from the calendar and drinks from the springs of the bed.

My father said, ‘When in doubt, castle.’

Our government's got a war on drugs. That's certainly better than no drugs at all.

If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.