I wish you'd help me look into a more interesting problem - namely, my sanity.

I don't know about you, but I practice a disorganized religion. I belong to an unholy disorder. We call ourselves "Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment."

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

Everything of mine which has been filmed so far has been one character short, and that character is me.

The thing my father was proudest of was the Ayres clock at the intersection of Washington Street and Meridian. That made him so happy. Ayres complained because he wouldn't send them a bill. There was stuff my family had done there - particularly my father and grandfather - that was quite permanent and wonderful.

The world is too serious. To get mad at a work of art-because maybe somebody, somewhere is blowing his stack over what I've done-is like getting mad at a hot fudge sundae.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.