Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not the legs that go first; it's remembering the word for legs.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

I write what I write and I honestly don't care if it gets on or not. I'm writing to see if I can find out some of what I think about any number of situations. I work it out in the writing.

Reality television is less honest than YouTube. YouTube is the real reality.

I never watched Friends, maybe because it was written by people straight out of college....The only way to avoid age discrimination in Hollywood is to die young.