Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.

I think technology is such that we can reach new heights but we need some of the basics of the pre-technological age. It's counter-productive to be able to type a hundred words a minute but not know what the words mean.

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

One does not have humor. It has you.

We may be born equal but we're not equally talented.

You can write something that has continuity, but it makes happy endings all the more ridiculous.

If Hitler’s still alive, I hope he’s out of town with a musical.