I'm sort of the comic relief after a hard day at work. My message is that it's OK to relax

Let's not become so worried about not offending anybody that we lose the ability to distinguish between respect and paranoia.

I'm the worst person to be stuck with in a traffic jam.

I was always telling everyone, I want to be a broadcaster. They'd say, What, are you crazy? What, you're going to be Arthur Godfrey?

Those of us forced to read the London papers sometimes speculate about which is greater: the average British hack's sloth, mendacity, ignorance, obsequiousness, capacity for drink, or aversion to paying for that drink. Smart money tends to split between the latter two.

Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves.

Nobody beats a bunch of journalists for inflating their rather mundane straightforward chores with a lot more melodrama and self-importance than the job should be asked to contain.