Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm so sick of gay this, gay that. I could care less. It ain't affecting my life at all.

When you're married with kids, you just think differently.

Its nice if people can finally loosen up a little bit and just go out laugh at silliness. I mean, people take themselves way too seriously sometimes.

I follow the baseball team on the Internet more than I do the football team. Generally you can get a Nebraska game anywhere. Before I started doing big arenas and stuff and had a tour bus when I was just working comedy clubs way back when I would always listen to the games in my hotel room on the Internet.

I hate flying. I'm not a big fan of flying at all so everywhere I go I go by tour bus. If I have to fly I will but I'm not a big fan of it.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.