The world has become a larger place. The universe has been expanding, and Perl's been expanding along with the universe.
There's a saying in the software design industry: "Good. Fast. Cheap. Pick two."
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.
We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to compromise.
For the sake of argument I'll ignore all your fighting words.
Perl is designed to give you several ways to do anything, so consider picking the most readable one.