I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?

I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.

I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

I love eating in it, brushing my teeth and swallowing the toothpaste in it. I love punching the ceiling with my fists when I'm lost or I can't find a parking space.