I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.
I mean, sleeping with the same woman, night after night. Boring!
I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.
Anything can happen with a razor.
I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?
I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.