My grandmother, she passed away at Christmas time. So now, I have this built in sadness, you know, every holiday. 'Cause I'm plagued with the thought of, you know, what she would have given me. What didn't I get to open this year?

I love eating in it, brushing my teeth and swallowing the toothpaste in it. I love punching the ceiling with my fists when I'm lost or I can't find a parking space.

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

I want to be so famous that drag queens will dress like me in parades when I'm dead.

I slept with my mother until I was nine years old. It was OK for the first few years, and then I don't know what happened. I just couldn't do it anymore. I mean, sleeping with the same woman, night after night. Boring!

I always feel like rejection is my petrol. That's what keeps me going.

I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?