I love eating in it, brushing my teeth and swallowing the toothpaste in it. I love punching the ceiling with my fists when I'm lost or I can't find a parking space.

I have to find work wherever it might be hiding.

I mean, sleeping with the same woman, night after night. Boring!

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

It's a big deal about whether or not gays can march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade and I have to say that on some level I kind of see their point. Because when you think about it, it is a real macho heterosexual event. Bunch of guys in short skirts on a cart made of rose pedals sharing a bag pipe. That's not for sissies.

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

Women can really be who they are. I'm about to say the F word, feminist. Often that word has such a negative connotation.