It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'

I mean, sleeping with the same woman, night after night. Boring!

Always keep your anger bottled up. You might need a bottle of anger some day when friends come by and won't leave.

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?

I have to find work wherever it might be hiding.

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.